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Friday, September 20, 2013

Prologue for new life..

I've been married to a wonderful man, K for almost 4 months now and i'm happy i made the right choice. Through happiness and sorrow, we are there for each other.

Life has been joyous, tricky, overwhelmed... trust me, i've never thought i will get to feel all these emotions..

Despite all the happiness, I lost people so dear to me in a very short duration. I cracked, cried for nights, lost my words and have been in deep depression.

My grandma left us 1 month after my wedding. Last time i saw her was during my solemnization. She was sick but she insisted to came with all her might. . On one fine day, I received a call from my sister telling me she was no longer with us. My tears could not stop falling from that moment until her funeral. It is hard to accept that she left us as i've been growing up with her around for 27 years! One thing i regret most is that I postponed my visit to her after my wedding due to time constraint. Now, there are no time for me to pay her a visit anymore..

A week after the funeral, my wedding album was delivered. When i looked at my solemnization album, i could see her smiled while we took pictures together..

A few weeks later, i was pregnant. I felt my life change instantaneaously. I didnt have morning sickness, but i did feel the symptoms; nauseas, backache sudden acne rush, etc. Everybody was happy for a while until one day at my 10th weeks, I was bleeding. I know something was wrong with the baby. We went to the clinic then referred to the hospital. In between the process, i somehow felt the baby was no longer there. I had cried for whole day and night prior to the visit to the hospital as i know i wont be able to meet this little guy (i think this is what we called mother's instinct). After thorough scanning, the doctor confirmed the baby is gone.

There are 3 things i could not forget during miscarriage:
1) The contraction -  I had my contraction the night before D&C
2) The delivery - I could feel the huge clot coming out from my body
3) The freezing -  The icy cold Operation theatre

While i'm writing this blog at this very minute, i'm still in recovering mode. It was not easy, but with so many loving people around me, i know i can do it.

P/S: I shall stop posting my bride-to-be prep as i missed so much i might forget lots of things. But i will share the photos from my wedding soon..

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Monday, February 25, 2013

Pimple breakout!!

If the teenage me is the one writing this, yes, that is going to be the first thing she screams when she sees pimple right below her lips...

But the one writing this is an adult with a slight childish thinking i would say... And that's me.

As i grow older, same stuff did happen to me as to my younger self. Most of the time i'll be self-interpreted or comparing my surrrounding with my own life.. I just realized this, by the way through these scenarios:

1) Pimple breakout

The teenage me will start finding OXY cream or any other anti-pimples cream at INSTANT. She will increase the frequency of daily facial regime to ensure the pimple be gone in 2 days max.

But now, a pimple is not as bothersome as it used to be. When i saw one pimple on my face in the mirror, the first thing i would say to myself, "Owh, i've been stressing out too much". Then i started to think what actually has made me stressed out so much and trying to work things out. The pimple was left alone..

2) Watching movies

The teenage me always loved romance movie. She thought she was living in a fairy tale, waiting for her prince (or any other handsome actors she watched from a movie). She couldn't stand any action, horror, thriller kind of movies as she thought it was too harsh for reality.

These days were different. Everytime i watch a movie, i couldn't help myself trying to relate the storyline to what actually happened in my life. Even a thriller movie can somehow has the connection. Sometimes, i did got the answer to solve my difficulties from movies but most of the time i did not.

3) Decision making

This is the hardest part for me to tell the difference, but once i found it, i know it is so d*** true. The teenage me will want everything to go as what she wants. If she says 'pink', 'pink' must be the colour. If she says 'japanese', means sushi must be for dinner. If things are the other way around, even 1-month sulking is possible.

The fact that everything has to go as what she wants haven't really change. I still want things my own way but the principle changes to "I've always want something but I did not know if it is the right thing". Wanting something is not really the need for myself now. There are always considerations to be done prior to satisfying the hunger of wanting something.


These scenarios tell me that i'm no longer the spoon-fed kid. I am now in reality and i have to own my life. People around me will have to embrace the fact that I do change, physically, mentally, socially..

Note: I figured out that I actually can change my behaviour in a split second!

Lots of luv,
eLLe