Pimple breakout!!

If the teenage me is the one writing this, yes, that is going to be the first thing she screams when she sees pimple right below her lips...

But the one writing this is an adult with a slight childish thinking i would say... And that's me.

As i grow older, same stuff did happen to me as to my younger self. Most of the time i'll be self-interpreted or comparing my surrrounding with my own life.. I just realized this, by the way through these scenarios:

1) Pimple breakout

The teenage me will start finding OXY cream or any other anti-pimples cream at INSTANT. She will increase the frequency of daily facial regime to ensure the pimple be gone in 2 days max.

But now, a pimple is not as bothersome as it used to be. When i saw one pimple on my face in the mirror, the first thing i would say to myself, "Owh, i've been stressing out too much". Then i started to think what actually has made me stressed out so much and trying to work things out. The pimple was left alone..

2) Watching movies

The teenage me always loved romance movie. She thought she was living in a fairy tale, waiting for her prince (or any other handsome actors she watched from a movie). She couldn't stand any action, horror, thriller kind of movies as she thought it was too harsh for reality.

These days were different. Everytime i watch a movie, i couldn't help myself trying to relate the storyline to what actually happened in my life. Even a thriller movie can somehow has the connection. Sometimes, i did got the answer to solve my difficulties from movies but most of the time i did not.

3) Decision making

This is the hardest part for me to tell the difference, but once i found it, i know it is so d*** true. The teenage me will want everything to go as what she wants. If she says 'pink', 'pink' must be the colour. If she says 'japanese', means sushi must be for dinner. If things are the other way around, even 1-month sulking is possible.

The fact that everything has to go as what she wants haven't really change. I still want things my own way but the principle changes to "I've always want something but I did not know if it is the right thing". Wanting something is not really the need for myself now. There are always considerations to be done prior to satisfying the hunger of wanting something.


These scenarios tell me that i'm no longer the spoon-fed kid. I am now in reality and i have to own my life. People around me will have to embrace the fact that I do change, physically, mentally, socially..

Note: I figured out that I actually can change my behaviour in a split second!

Lots of luv,
eLLe

All i want 2 say

Hi,

Just feel like blogging today.

It's been 2 years and all i wanna say is:

I'm in love.



Lots of luv, 
eLLe

If i were to choose..

If i were to choose,
I choose spring over winter,
But winter let the bud sleep before blooming beautifully.

If i were to choose,
I choose sun over rain,
But rain creates rainbow that colours up the sky.

If i were to choose,
I choose happiness over sorrow
But sorrow taught me how to live

But if i were to choose
To have what the others have,
I choose not to have them all,
Because i treasure those around me more..

Lots of luv,
eLLe

posted from Bloggeroid

Before, Now & Hopes for after..

Only 3 days left until we say 'Goodbye 2010, Hello to 2011'. How much i've learned, how many experiences i've gained in 2010 are uncountable. The principal is the most valuable takeaways that i’m going to bring along to 2011 and the years after.

When I take a glance at the reflection of myself in the mirror, for a split second I forgot about myself in 2009. Amazed by how far I’ve gone through, I never imagined my life will change me this much, in a good manner. Once in a while, I did feel like I woke up at the wrong side of the bed, but after thorough evaluation, I actually learnt something from it.

There have been events in 2010 that make me feel like on cloud nine, a few which really cause some stir and several sad states of affairs. Somehow, I never feel sorry for walking this trail, I never regretted any choices that I’ve made and I never once wish I have a restart button though I made abundant of mistakes.

I am so grateful to have my loved ones whom always there when I needed, always offer their shoulder to cry upon, and in no way judging me for who I am. I am so thankful to have my friends to light up my day and make each day wonderful. I am so relieved that I’ve been blessed with everything that colours each step of my journey. I hope next year and the future onwards will be filled with full of the joys of the spring.

Opening the door of 2011, I’ll grab along ‘LIFE IS UNEXPECTED & TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE MISSED'

(P/S: Surprise myself with a serious entry.. J)

Lots of Luv,

eLLe

Its coming to an end

It's now going towards the end of the year but i only have like 8 entries for 2010! What???

?? It's not that i'm too lazy i don't hv stuff to blog about, i'm jz trying to find time to update this baby.. (now, im trying to make excuses when i can update my fb everyday~ what a shame.. sob sob)

Lets list down some important stuff happening since my last update (which is in August.. shame again) that i missed from including them as entries for my blog:

1) My trip around M'sia (KK, Melaka, T'ganu, Bukit Tinggi, Lumut, Penang etc..)

2) Friends Wedding (too many to be listed down here - takut kalo x list sume nnti ade yg kecik ati)

3) Babies updates (Eryna & newly born Uzz)

4) My OWN Birthday (this is consider TOO MUCH! huuuuuuuuu)

And other happy & sad stories i wish to share..

I do love 2010 so i will still update all some of these stories even though i'm back to square one..

Latest picture of baby Eryna.. will update soon about this cheeky girl!

Lots of luv,

eLLe

Have a little faith...

Previously,

It's as hard as a stone,

It's as cold as the snow,

It stays deep inside, locked.

At present,

It's crushing,

It's burning,

It becomes restless,

It turns a soul upside-down.

It turns a frown into a smile,

It makes the eyes well-up with tears,

It leads a mind to decide the best,

But the most important thing it does,

Is to help a life feels;

Everything without a single miss.

It already melts,

It has been given away,

But will it be taken care forever?

It's a rare and fragile gift;

Also bound to get bruised.

But it's time to be brave, be strong

The road has been taken,

Have a little faith....

Lots of luv,

eLLe

One step forward...

One step forward

I've been dreaming of happy ending;
In a life of endless bliss,
Where i find everything sweet;
In each perfect moment we live.

After counting nights & days;
Now its right before my eyes,
Just waiting for myself to embrace;
With open hands, mind and heart.

As I make a step forward;
My knees become weak, my hands tremble,
I start to shiver, I fold my arms tight.
Something is rushing in my blood.
This is new, it is bright,
Like a magnet, it's pulling me fast.

Being so close keeps me alive;
No clue if this is still a dream,
Never dare to wake up,
So afraid of dying,
Cant afford to lose.

I know this is true,
Its something i cant deny.
Just in need of a little faith to be strong;
A little assurance to carry on,
And a firm hand to hold if i stumble or fall.

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Taste of Freshness

Taste of freshness

In the midst of something new;
Laden with mixed feelings,
Impressed, amused, terrified;
Keep on somersaulting;
Each time I sense the taste of freshness,
in every single things ahead.

Still saving the real golds of me;
Deep in my treasure chest,
Even it is worthless for sure;
I'm waiting for the right moment, the right key,
To release, to set them free.

Though I'm scared,
Cuz I know I might get hurt,
I'm willing to move forward,
To discover and embrace,
A life full of ambiguities;
Till the highest point of greatness.

Living myself to the fullest,
For self-satisfaction;
For those with hopes in me.

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Me being 23...

I always started my post with 'it has been so long since the last post' and I had to do that again this time, my apology. My current life now is way out of my imagination.

When i stepped into 23 years old last few days, the first thing i did early in the morning was looking at my own reflection in the mirror. I am now a total different girl than the 22-year-old me. The first HUGE difference i noticed was that i am now no longer wear a student title, i am now a CAREER woman!

I am blessed with a very good job, i can say. Though it was not my dream job, it is something i am proud to be. A few friends told me i am lucky to be in my current job which i agreed so much, but nothing comes perfectly fine in life. Greater power gives you greater responsibility. Work comes with stress, of course. And abundant factors can contribute to this stress. Not that i am complaining, it is just the true face of working life. It is all about how you conquer a situation and not questioning why you are in such circumstances.

I love the image of myself right now and i will do my best to make people that i love proud.

To all whom wished me, thanx a lot. It was the thought that counts.

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Eternal Punishment

Looking around the empty space;
Of a life i've once faced,
No matter how hard i tried to clear,
There is always dust in corners.

Trying to craft the finest life;
Where i should be in my control,
I crept, I leapt, I ran, I strived,
To get to the finish line, reaching my goal.

But i should foresee the bumpy roads;
And be prepared for puddles & muds,
Now i have stains all over my clothes,
As well as blood from slashes & cuts.

Punish me for being scared,
Scold me as for myself i cant stand.
I'm sorry for I can't break free,
It's a guilt i'll carry for eternity.

And i hope one day you'll understand...

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Happy Mother's Day & Happy 52nd Birthday, Mom!

JUST FOR MY BELOVED MOM~~

Mom,

i just wish that i will be there with you
through all hardships you've gone through
through all sacrifices you have made
through all tears you've shed
As you were always there
for me to return to

i will do anything
just to wash away your sorrow
to answer all your fears
to see you smile along the way

nothing can compare your love to me
though my love to you is as deep as the ocean
you love me as wide as the sky
endlessly~

Thank you for loving me
For having faith in me
All you have given
Now i hold within

Being blessed with a mother like you
I couldn't ask for more~

p/s: To mama, Happy Mother's Day & Happy 52nd Birthday!

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Nervous

Nervous

Nervously sitting at the front porch,
Blanketed with a pale blue wool jacket,
Holding a mug of hot chocolate so warm;
In the middle of each morning from dawn;

Looking blindlessly towards the outside,
As the mailman pass by,
Not blinking even once,
Eagerly hope for the news;
That might change a living of a life.

Yet..
Nothing came to pay a visit,
Maybe for someone else,
But none similar to the one awaits,
Definitely.

I cant feel my breath;
I am scared,
My heart beats so fast that it hurts,
My mind wanders crazily so puzzle,
My body feels so weak like a cripple.

It is not the time to give up yet;
Good stuff always find its right way & right moment,
Sometimes;
It doesnt come yet,
Because a better thing will come next.
Sometimes;
It doesnt come at all,
Because it is for the best.

Hence, stay alive.
We will never know what will come for us~

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Almost

Almost

Like a fairy tale brought to life,
It was undenial;
The delights, prospers and harmonies,
Came in one yacht,
Which sailed towards here.

But they were just almost here,
And almost never been enough;
The shines that could be seen from afar
Tempting, irresistible;
Still, they could not be reached.

Either we smile as we woke up,
Or shiver till the end of the day;
It was all just a dream,
A dream that should not be carried along
As we move on the path we are destined to be.

Lots of luv,
eLLe

A highschool Friend~

A highschool friend

From junior high to senior year;
Fate has brought us together,
Getting closer through a camera;
On a trip which i will always remember.

It is my luck to meet a friend;
Whom never once complain,
If you dont answer the phone,
Though twenty calls missed.

It is a gratitude to have the one;
Whom never once criticized,
If you act somewhat differently,
Though others think you are crazy.

This kind of friend;
Are really hard to come by,
At the smallest possibility; very rare,
This is a true friend you can never compare..

P/s: To Lan, Happy Birthday!! (10/3)

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Skidded Demand

Skidded Demand

Staring outside the window,
Towards the grey clouds of rainy day,
Cannot breath, cannot swallow;
Only teardrops rushing, straight into bay.

Just woke up into reality;
All the truths now come haunting,
Bringing in the pain no one can see,
But the cut is deepen, keep overwhelming.

Skidded in demanding;
Where the inequalities were very clear,
It was something not worth gaining,
Getting hurt in the end, now regretting.

It was well-understood ;
That the slightest chance never exist,
Everything was foreordained,
It will never greets, always out of reach.

Wrapping myself in the blanket of silk;
Should stay where I belong in the beginning,
It is too late to cry over spilt milk,
Over the mistake of asking the wrong thing..

Lots of luv,
eLLe

Dead yet alive...

Dead yet Alive....

Still breathing
In the darkest night
Trying to look behind
Digging for a clue
On mistakes done in the past

Still standing
In the heaviest rain
Searching for an answer
To a question
That never exist

Still hiding
In an open vast land
Feeling insecure and afraid
To even lift my head
To face the pain awaits

Still awake
In the deepest sleep
Wishing i will never see
The dream lies beneath

It is easy to smile
But it's hard to laugh
It's easy to frown
But hard to shed a single tear

It takes miles
Before I found them again
Cuz right now
I feel dead yet so much alive...

Memories

Memories

Crashed into pieces
shattered all over
it is too hard to pick
bit by bit
to make it whole again

Sometimes
it was too painful to bare
too hurt to face
too sad to look at
too gloom to embrace

Letting go
doesnt promise the best answer
since the essential of living
is the way of solving
the mount-high questions

how hard thou try
how much courage thy put in
how these change thee

Things r all in front of the eyes
but too unsure if im meant to be the lord
not even sure to whom they belong to
no tags, no signs
to take or return to

Memories are wonderful
if thy dont have to deal with the past
suffers created scars
too long to heal
takes time to renew
to turn a new leaf

My heart is crying~

My heart is crying...

My heart is crying..
I just dont know what else to do
I feel like suffocating
In this gifted life..

Hearts are mend to be broken
If i broke others
i need to mend them
If i'm broken,
none can mend..

Life can be so blessed
It can be cruel too
Life has everything inside
But does everything means anything to you?

If life has been so easy
Then life wont be life
Life is left to be difficult
For human to create their own paths

Where do I stand right now?
How high have I flew?
How well do I behave?
How i'm being judged?

So many questions
playing in my mind
I know I should not cry
Though it really hurts inside

In the end
I can only hear
My heart is crying...

Wish..

Wish...

I wish for something really close, but it seems far away.
I wish for something I always see, but it seems blindfolded.
I wish for something glittering,but it seems lost of shine.

But, a wish is just a wish.
I may or may not have it in my hand.
No clear or true answer.
When, where or how, and even will the wish be with me.

Going to another chapter of life, makes me wish of things i never thought.
Sometimes, I feel selfish for wanting too much.

Or, should I forget about all the wishes i had in mind.
Should just wake up in the morning,put all my energy to the day, to grant the wish myself.

Children wish on their birthday cakes,
couples wish upon the stars,
adults wish in their prayer.
Though many ways of them, believe is necessities.

...

I am just a girl...

I'm just a girl.....

I am a rose; Living among the bushes,

The sharp thorns on me; Keep me away from others.

I am a dove; Soaring above the sky,

The strong wings of me; Bring me high.

I am a pearl; Shining in the ocean,

The hard shell surrounds me; Gives me protection.

Though i'm the rose, the dove or the pearl; I still crave for more,

Cuz i'm just a girl; Needs love so pure....